Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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