I think I died a long time ago.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
