i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize