I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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