I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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