And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
