So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
