I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
