I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize