Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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