it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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