dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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