There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
