I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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