In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
