we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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