Dual....:-)
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
