The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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