turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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