There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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