Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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