is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize