Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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