unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
