I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
