When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im part way to drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
