Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
someone owes me an orgasm
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
this hospital has no fireball
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
