Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
