I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
