Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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