is wine microwaveable?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
