I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
