Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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