It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
