Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
