Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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