i think my tv is drunk
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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