Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
