A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
