He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
