is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
