she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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