If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
