he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
