never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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