Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
