he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
