Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
