so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
