I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
