the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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