do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
