Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
