Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
