Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
