he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
