I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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