I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
