There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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