So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
