I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
