I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
did i just pee glitter
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
