Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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