awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
