You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
this will be a night to untag.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
