Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
