some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
