Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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